Redemption: the story of an ex convict.

Discussion in 'Universe' started by Zuriel, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    What up? :)
  2. Arturia

    Arturia Well-Known Member

    It would be easier to read it if you edited in new chapters into the first post.
  3. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    There is a word limit in it..
  4. spartanhija

    spartanhija Member

  5. ComradeHX

    ComradeHX Well-Known Member

    So when does main character find himself on a prison on moon, surrounded by zombies with nothing but crow bar in hand to defend himself?
  6. Ryan III

    Ryan III Well-Known Member

    Good things come to those who wait
  7. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    Ahh. Soon! I've been very caught up with college work. :( Will need to make time to write! Thanks for being patient.
  8. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    Chapter 5

    My thoughts ebbed and flowed like the waxing and waning of the moon as I recounted the gruesome, gory details that I was responsible for. Some details were a blur to me, others much clearer. One thing I could remember clearly was the death of Dominic.

    Dominic, the inbred scumbag that stole Carah from me. We were going through a rough patch, I worked 6 full days a week and she was left alone, desperately needing support that I couldn't provide.

    Enter Dominic.

    That charming veneer, unassuming stature and awkward college senior that never imposed himself on people, nor gave anyone anything to hate him for.

    He knew many people, but he had no real friends. You can't really dislike a person if you don't know him well enough for him to expose his flaws. And so, everyone had a favourable impression of him.

    But not I. From day one, I figured this guy was bad news. Which person can function without any friends? And it's not like he's introverted; he has the capacity to socialise pretty well. What I discovered, was far more sinister.

    You see, during that time our relationship was on the rocks, he was married. He had a very unhealthy relationship with his wife, who happened to be his first cousin. How that happened I will never know, but what I do know is that his wife/cousin was psychotic and violent. He had brought up the topic of divorce, but each time he did so, she threatened to take her own life. Family members tried to dissuade him from going through with that plan, for the sake of his wife/cousin’s wellbeing. Torn between his heart and his family, he was stuck. When Carah appeared in his life, he saw it as a perfect opportunity to jump ship. He took care of her, showered her with concern and care when I could least afford to do so, and in doing so, he managed to snatch her from me.

    She fell head over heels with him, to such an extent that even though she was clearly the third party, and that she shouldn’t get involved with a married man, she ignored all warning signs and agreed to be with him. But that was not before she initiated a break up from me. Devastated, I turned to alcohol. I was inconsolable. Who was this scumbag to come in and steal what was rightfully mine? How dare he lay a finger on her. How could she fall so deeply in love with someone she barely knew? I proceeded to do a background check on that scumbag.

    All these questions surfaced, and even more appeared as I delved into his past and discovered information about him. He was born with a genetic defect that made him short in stature, and as such, was constantly bullied throughout his youth. Even as an adult, he struggled with his height issues. As it turned out, he used this to gain sympathy from Carah, who was similarly tormented when she was younger, over various issues. Perhaps they bonded over their mutual pity party. I will never know. Perhaps he was struggling with his low self-esteem that he decided to marry a first cousin, fearing no one else would accept him. I know little about his wife, apart from the fact she had psychological issues.

    I was mad at him. I wanted to clarify things once and for all, and so I decided to confront the both of them – Carah and Dominic. Fearing I would stumble with my words, I took a bottle of whiskey along, and swigged a lot of it before the confrontation. I called Carah, and she appeared at the foot of her apartment with Dominic.

    I lit a cigarette, and drew in a deep puff.

    “So Dom, that’s your name right?” I started.

    “Yeah and you must be Daniel.”

    “How dare you get involved with Carah when you still have a wife? Have you no conscience? What’s the matter with you? Motherfucker.”

    “It is not your position to judge me. Only the Gods can do so. My affairs are none of your concern.”

    “Fuck off. How can you provide a happy future for Carah when you’re still tangled with your wife? Knowing very well you can’t leave her without her taking her life, how dare you drag Carah into this?” I shouted, gesticulating wildly at Carah while making my point.

    “Don’t treat her like a thing. She has feelings too! Stop pointing at her!”


    This scumbag is trying to divert the question and draw attention back to me.

    Highly inebriated, I couldn’t come up with a comeback line. I seethed, and raged inside.

    I drew in another puff.

    “Very well, I wish the two of you happiness and may the Gods watch over you.” I hissed bitterly.

    I stepped away and walked into the car. I was hopping mad. I wanted to rip out his throat and trample on his head. Tossing my cigarette behind me on my way to my car, I heard a loud scream. It sounded just like Carah.

    I turned back.

    Dominic appeared to spontaneously combust a good 100 feet from me. He lay on the floor, motionless, burning up with a cracking sound.
  9. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    Chapter 6

    “You mentioned that you were under the influence of alcohol? And the cigarettes, were they by any chance, blunts?”

    “No, Dawn, they were just ordinary cigarettes. I can assure you I had full control of my faculties even though I was drinking alcohol.”

    Dawn looked at her assistant, excused herself and went to discuss something with him. I observed at her expressions, which changed from surprise to a more pensive look. Their discussion went on for a few minutes before she returned.

    “Daniel… There is something missing here, help me understand the situation better. You drank, smoked a cigarette, confronted Dominic and left. No physical contact was made, no blows were exchanged.. Nothing of that sort am I right?”

    “Yes. Like I said..”

    “Then how do you explain this?”

    Dawn took out a remote control from her pocket and pressed a few buttons. A hidden panel in the ceiling opened and a white screen slowly descended. She darkened the room, and turned on a projector. A white screen was shown, which faded to black. Numbers appeared at the bottom right of the screen, and I guessed it was some sort of security footage. Before long, I knew what this was about. It was from a security camera around Carah’s apartment.

    The projector showed exactly what I said, until the point where I remembered I turned and walked away. The screen was showing something entirely different – I was standing dead still, and so was Dominic. His face turned pale and his eyes rolled up, and he spasmed. Seconds later, Dominic spontaneously combusted and fell to the floor without a sound. He was dead before he hit the ground. At that exact instance, I turned back and saw Dominic on the ground as I described in my account.

    “What…” I blurted.

    I knew perjury was a grave offence, and I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing. It was not the way I remembered it happen.

    “Daniel, the biosign monitors detect that you were telling the truth throughout your recount. The way I see it, it’s either you managed to convince yourself so thoroughly that you erased the memory of what happened and filled that gap with your imagination, or you have some sort of ESP that your parents failed to declare under the Psi-Operatives and Gifted Infants act.”

    She paused.

    “So which is it?”
  10. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    Chapter 7

    Not for the first time in my life, I contemplated if I was actually Gifted. It's funny how they label people as Gifted when in reality, these people bore a curse for the rest of their lives. The best outcome would be survival, and in one such instance, a certain Chief Minister Kerrigan was sworn into office to lead the nation. But that's just an anomaly. An outlier. A glitch. There's no denying Chief Minister Kerrigan is a very talented woman, perhaps the finest of her generation . These incredibly talented people statistically pop up at the rate of 1 in 5750000, while the other Gifted individuals often find themselves discriminated against, and working in the freakshow circus. A few lucky ones wind up at the Corps, as Psi Ops. Frail of body but strong of mind.

    Most of these Gifts manifest in vitro, or in common parlance, in the womb. Less than a tenth of a percent manifest at puberty while it's almost unheard of to discover Gifts beyond that. But I was always a dreamer. Watching Chief Minister Kerrigan take the stage during the annual National address was beyond inspiring. She had this amazing mind that wielded such foresight and she helped the nation achieve progress at a rate never before seen. I secretly wanted to meet her, learn from her, heckling, even be her for a day
    But the realistic me knew that it was just a pipe dream at best.

    Until today.

    "Dawn, Chief Minister Kerrigan is here to see the prisoner."
  11. ComradeHX

    ComradeHX Well-Known Member

    Just so you know; I am still reading.

    So Daniel is not going to be appearing in NOTD story since Psi-Ops is female.
  12. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    While the character model of a Psi Op in NOTD is a female, I think it would be reasonable to assume that males can end up as Psi Ops as well. But Daniel's story is not one that is so straightforward, as the later chapters will prove. P.S. Sorry for the lack of updates, really caught up with college and life. :(
  13. Ability
    • Development Team
    • NOTD Creator

    Ability NOTD Creator

    Yup, Psi Ops can be from either gender. Same for Black Ops.
  14. Gattu

    Gattu Well-Known Member

    Until that last chapter the whole time for some reason I thought this was a story about the Order Flamer, lol
  15. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    @cleandust It still is about a pyro/ft.
  16. squish

    squish Well-Known Member

    Moar please.
  17. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    @squish Having finals now. Will update soon! Sorry I've been very busy.
  18. squish

    squish Well-Known Member

    Ah. I see. Good luck on the finals!
  19. Mirage
    • Donator

    Mirage ಠ_ಠ What are you looking at?

    Y'know if you want you can probably fit the chapters into a single post, or if you want I could move this to its own 'Page' on the forums like this

    Although with these pages I'm considering this library addon, can put entire articles for this stuff in there ;)
  20. Zuriel

    Zuriel Well-Known Member

    @mirage that would be swell. Please do. :)

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